Intellectual Property Law

Lawyers!!!?

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?" 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" 6. "Did he kill you?" 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" A: "Yes." Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" 11. Q: "She had three children, right?" A: "Yes." Q: "How many were boys?" A: "None." Q: "Were there any girls?" 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: "I went to Europe, sir." Q: "And you took your new wife?" 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" A: "By death." Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?" 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." Q: "Was this a male or female?" 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which sent to your attorney?" A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" A: "Oral." 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m." Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy." 20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?" A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval." 21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" A: "I have been since early childhood." 22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" A: "No." Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?" A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." It is funny b/c I can actually picture some lawyers actually asking some of those questions!!

Public Comments

1. omg lmao... though im sure they never happened they're zoooper *star*
2. Hahaha Very Funny Stuff Man!
3. LOL! STAR 4 YOU!!!!!!!!!
4. VERY funny LOL Isn't this bad when we pay them money to defend us against stupid stuff
5. this is very funny have a star on me where did you find these i want to see more
6. Omg!! These are sooo funny. Who ever thought lawyers could be so dimwitted? LOL
7. LMAO the last one is the best. How about this one......... Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb??? A: How many can you afford! Have a star
8. lolThat's a good one!
9. IMAO! That was awesome! lol, lol, lol, lol. I loved 19 and 22. :D you deserve a star!
10. Haha, LooooooooooL It deserves a star
11. LOL very funny
12. loooooooooooooool they are sooooo funny
13. lol
14. Lol i knw some of the cos i study Law. lol
15. oh my god yes lawyers are really that stupid..i was a witness in a case and yes they are de de dee...
16. lol....some ppl like dat 4real..
17. it was pretty good until I read the last one, then i started laughing so hard i almost choked on one of my chocolate covered coffee beans...
18. funny!
19. you made my day, very funny indeed...and a star for you of course!
20. lol!!!! i like the last one the BEST!!!!!!!!!!
21. Gr8..... lot of hard work .... but very very good
22. OMG! they're hilarious and to think these r meant to be some of the smartest people on the planet. Lol.
23. awesomeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
24. terrrrrrific you got'it bb....
25. Oh my gosh! Lawyers can be so dumb!