Intellectual Property Law

My sister in law passed away She asked that my mother in law not attend her funeral and bro in law upheld wish

My sister in law had cancer. She was diagnosed about 10 months ago. She had asked her husband (my husband's brother) to not allow his mother at her funeral. She primarily did it to make her own mother comfortable, but also to make many of us more comfortable. My mother in law has never accepted her daughters in law as family. I support my sister in law's wish, but do feel compassion for my mother in law. My mother in law did not attend and is now calling my husband constantly to vent. It's making me crazy. Long story short - mother in law was laid off from her job a year and a half ago. Did nothing to find a new job. Sister in law was diagnosed with cancer. Mother in law said "God didn't want me to find a job so I could take care of Sally". Mothe rin law went to care for Sally. 2 months later mother in law says to son "I would have a job and wouldn't be worried about money if I didn't have to be here to help out." I just need some opinions. Thanks.

Public Comments

1. It is no wonder your MIL is crazy. She lost someone in her family. Regardless of how she is acting she is probably at a loss since she could not say her own good bye. Maybe it was going to be her time to say what she needed to. That chance was taken away from her. Now she needs to feel some sort of "closure"?? I am not sure but someone needs to take her aside and see what is going on in her head. She may just need a good grief session with someone in her family.
2. Good grief!!!! Your mother-in-law will get over it, whatever IT is....Is it resentment over taking care of her daughter-in-law, while she could have been gainfully employed? Or is it being denied the "right" to attend the funeral after "being there for her"? Whatever the case, this is HER issue to overcome. To me, she sounds quite selfish and self-absorbed. If she didn't want to care for her, she shouldn't have, period. If she cared about her in any such way, she would have respected your sister-in-law's wishes and not be making such a stink. I have a feeling there was more to it than, "making her own mother more comfortable". That just doesn't sound right. Anyhoo, as far as her venting to you and your husband....a very calm, polite, "I think that we should lay(sister-in-law's name) and this issue to rest, don't you think?" It may help to say, "It sure was nice of you to care for (name), but don't you think you need to move on?" Perhaps that sounds a bit blunt, but with people with her type of personality, you have to be. Or maybe, "Look, I'm personally very sorry about how things turned out for you. I'll keep you in my prayers." Good Luck
3. Stay out of it, you can't win. When mother in law starts to vent to your husband or you quickly cut her off and tell her you will not discuss the subject with her. Then change the subject, hopefully after a few times of doing this she will get the hint. Good luck.
4. Respect the dead and their wishes, and insist that your mother in law..shut up about it...maybe take a look at it and LEARN from it...and get over it...it was her wishes....and looks like she had good reason for it.